Eric Wedge Kills Angels

Was it worth it?  Really…was it?

In the midst of a franchise worst losing streak, Seattle Mariners skipper did the unthinkable this past weekend. He decided to shed that beautiful lip sweater.

I’d like to go on…but I’ve got to go cry myself to sleep. Here’s what the boys at Larry Brown Sports had to say:

We’ve seen players go to crazy lengths to try and break slumps, so it’s not as if this is something new. We’ve seen them wear thongs, practice voodoo and even shave their entire body in attempts to turn things around, and most of the time it works. For Wedge sadly, it didn’t.

The Mariners manager explained his decision to chop off the ‘stache, saying “Drastic measures I guess. I just wanted to get the reaction out there that I’ve been getting from everybody and hopefully lighten them up a little bit.”

Oh, and in case you were wondering how the Mariners have done since baseball’s Ron Swanson shaved his ‘stache…they’re winless and have lost their last sixteen contests.

“This is a crime against nature that shall not be tolerated by the American Mustache Institute (AMI) nor the Mustached American community we represent,” AMI’s Chief Executive Officer Abraham Froman said Tuesday morning.

And if my colleagues with the AMI have taught me anything it is this…”when you shave a mustache, an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth”.

Angel blood is on your hands, Wedge.  The.  Blood.  Is.  On…forgot about it.

You kill angels, dude.

Quantcast